The Mega Team One Third

The Best Team a Third of the Way Through

By Mack "Fast Break" Evans, Associate Editor

Point Guard - Chris Paul, The Unnamed. 20-5-11-2

Guard - Stephen Curry, GHill Filas. 25-4-9-3 with top 3s

Guard - John Wall, Rockafire Explosion. 20-4-9-2

Swingman - James Harden, Mercy Sundance. 24-5-6-1.5

Forward - LeBron James, GHill Filas. 25-7-7-1.5-59%

Forward - Kevin Durant, Shake N Jake. 29-8-5-1.5

Big - Kevin Love, Shake N Jake. 25-14-4 with top 3s

Center - DeMarcus Cousins, Rockafire Explosion. 23-11-3-2-1

Biggest omissions? Paul George, Dwight Howard, Anthony Davis, LaMarcus Aldridge, MCW.

That's it chunders

Week Two Roundup

A look around week two of The Court... by Lance "Jammer" Jones, associate editor

The Starters: you wonder if any of these dudes have shot a basketball at a hoop before...

Mercy Sundance (W) @ Vlade Doddi (L) 8.5 - 1.5

Vlade begged but there was no Mercy as the Sundance monstered Vlade Doddi, leaving only 3% and steals as scraps. Mercy Sundance has four players scoring over 20 points and were championed by possible New Megastar Anthony Davis, who jocked a 20-11-1-4-2 powerline. New Vlade Victor Faverani was a huge disappointment and drag on the team with four (!) games of 3-4-1-0-0 work. Al Jefferson did not suit up for Mercy despite being placed in the starting lineup and will not be in the starting lineup next week under the DDBAD guidelines.

XXX Convict (W) @ Scoobydank (L) 8.0 - 2.0

The Convicts let a monster out of prison themselves, sweeping the big three categories in a comfortable win over Scoobydank. It wasn't automatic - Scooby was only 0.1 down on assists and .35 down on rebounds - but Bradley Beal's pronouncement of dominance (27-5-3-4t) shut the door on this one. One JJ - Redick (20-4-3) -  has a been one of the league's savviest surprises, but Scoobydank simply needs more from a guard slot than the other JJ - Barea (7-3-3) - can appear to provide.

Shake N Jake (W) @ Fat drunk and stupid! (L) 9.0 - 1.0

Third monstering in a row on these recaps here as Shake shook FDaS! every which way as the team only let the three point duo go in a 9-1 win. SnJ led the league in rebounding easily this week powered by a megabounders Kevin Love and Deandre Jordan (14 and 15 per game, respectively). The team even shook off doubts about their passing ability with eight assists from Kevin Durant and five from Tim Duncan. No one or two players can really be blamed for the stupid's loss, and there were no really bad performances, but nothing aside from OJ Mayo's scoring (28 ppg) were popped out as great, either.

Smoking Is Cool (W) @ Studebakers (L) 5.5 - 4.5

Russell Westbrook's early return from injury could not turn the fortunes of the Studebakers as they fall to 0-2 by a quite slim margin to Smoking Is Cool. The game could have easily been turned by as few as one or two rebounds (a 0.04 edge for Smoking) or a few assists (0.12 difference). Evan Turner is making doubters look dubious with a 24-9-3-53% statline. The Studebakers had quality line after quality line, but raw Andre Drummond showed his inconsistency with a week-losing performance (5-6-0-2-1). One wonders if we might see MKG in the lineup over Andre to provide a bit more stable chemistry...

The Unnamed (L) @ Rock-afire Explosion (W) 3.0 - 7.0

The Unnamed fought a good fight, but were monstered after a close assists battle as Rock-afire moved to 2-0. Chris Paul's 13 assists average over four games was huge, but it wasn't enough as the team fell by 0.37 in the passing cat. One could look at Andrei Kirilenko's 6-4-1-0-1 in limited minutes as a key weakness. Paul George is laughing at all skeptical teams that could have had him keeping his emerging superstar status in play with a 25-8-4-0-2-3t line. Mega.

GHill Filas (W) @ St. Paul Skanks (L) 6.0 - 4.0

The GHill Filas held off an advancing Skanks in another extremely close matchup. 0.05 assists and 0.07 rebounds were the thinnest of red lines holding back the Skanks as relatively subdued weeks from Steph Curry (15-4-8-0-3-2t) and Pau Gasol (8-11-3-1) left the Filas exposed. Tyson Chandler's game one injury that left contributing only 2-2-1-1 was a big drag as well. But St Paul simply could not take advantage of all of that despite four players over 20 ppg and changes may be needed: Tyreke Evans (8-5-2), for one, might not be long for the starting lineup.

Week One Roundup

A look around week one of The Court... by Lance "Jammer" Jones, associate editor

 The whitest dorkiest show about the NBA since "The Georges: Mikan and Muresan"

GHill Filas (L) @ Mercy Sundance (W) 2.0 - 8.0


The Filas shot well, but the Sundance monstered the reigning champions opening week. GHill could only take both threes categories and field goal percentage, though did so overwhelmingly. Five Mercies scored over 20 point per game despite captain Derrick Rose's sluggish start. Luis Scola's 6-2-1 line - over three games! - was a debacle for the Filas.


The Unnamed (W) @ Shake N Jake (L) 6.0 - 4.0


Who needs a name when your star has two first ones? Chris Paul was scintillating powering the Unnamed to an upset victory over the SnJ. The Jake used Kevin Love's 30-15 bigness to win points and rebounds, but the passing was anemic with only 2.17 assists and no Shake averaging even four of them. JaVale McGee's 5-2-1 abortion could have done in the no-names, but at least he had one block.


Studebakers (L) @ Fat drunk and stupid! (W) 4.5 - 5.5


Fdas! let the world know expansion may not mean pushover in the Electric, edging perennial contender Studebakers by half a cat. This one was about as close as it gets without coming down to free throws, with assists within 0.18, threeper by 2.5%, less than a tenth of a three and less than 1% on shooting. Studebakers can still look down the road and smile, though: Russell Westbrook did play and may be in the lineup soon, and Michael Carter-Williams, with a 21-5-9-4s statline, is the week one frontrunner for Rookie of the Year.


Scoobydank (L) @ Vlade Doddi (W) 1.0 - 9.0


Scoobydank looked scoobydrunk as the other expansion team got clobbered out of the gate by Vlade Doddi. Despite being the more "competition-ready" expansion team, the Dank were hurt badly by should-be-ballers vets Deron Williams (8-3-8) and David West (10-5-3). Brandon Knight getting injured two minutes after the whistle blew didn't help, either. Ricky Rubio came ready to implement a new style of play for the Doddi with a 12-5-10-4s jacked line.

St. Paul Skanks (W) @ XXX Convict (L) 8.0 - 2.0


Skanks loved kissing sisters this week as they rode an easy victory over the Convicts, including an odd tie. It seems mathematically improbable at best, but the teams tied at assists 3.42 to 3.42. LaMarcus Aldridge's 26 points, Al Horford's 12 rebs, and Mike Conley's 2 steals overcame Tyreke Evan's muted 6-3-4-0s debut with the Pellies.

Rock-afire Explosion (W) @ Smoking Is Cool (L) 7.5 - 2.5


The Explosion overcame a disappointing showing by Larry Sanders in a close battle with Smoking. 3.5 cats would be considered extremely close, including a tie on blocks. Rock was led by big time performances from Jeff Teague, John Wall, and DeMarcus Cousins, where Cool's impressive rejoinder from Evan Turner, Jrue Holiday, and Carmelo Anthony just wasn't enough.

Seven Seconds or Less: The Auctiom

Where we list seven things we took no longer than seven seconds to think about...

AUCTION EDITION

Mack "Fast Break" Evans, Associate Editor

The auction was fast and furious, being online this season. Before anyone gets a chance to study the thing, let's toss off some ill-advised thoughts:

1. Really reasonable contracts this year. Many even too reasonable. 12.7 million dollars out to Dirk Nowitzki was the largest one year given out, less than the the franchise tag. 

2. Despite the reasonable contracts, very little is left for free agent / waiver wire bidding during the season. The expansion teams Scoobydank and FDaS! will pretty much have the pick of the wire as the only teams over two million dollars left under the cap.

3. One of my favorite values: Enes Kanter, 4.1 mil #want. Wow.

4. 23 multi-year deals handed out. Considering there were only two open vet slots, that's 21 new players to be aboard next year. Wow. Funny enough, though, 23 contracts are up at the end of the year, too. 

5. With many of those guys franchise dudes, though, plus rookies ending their deals, that's still gonna mean probably 10 amnesty cuts next year. There's gonna be some dead cap next year.

6. Evan Fournier for two million dollars? Huh?

7. The Waiver Wire All-Star Lineup:

PG - Mo Williams
G - Manu Ginobili
G - Lou Williams
SW - VInce Carter
F - Thomas Robinson
F - Jason Thompson
Big - Jordan Hill
C -  Glen Davis

Crisis of Infinite Assists

By Clive Windstrom, Staff Writer

Take apart your bed. There's a good chance there's a big sack hidden underneath the mattress. A big sack of coins. Not quarters, not a pounds, not a ten hwon-er. It's all DIMES.

Yes, this year in The Court Electric, there's, dimes are in short supply coming into Unrestricted Free Agency aka the auction. Never has one category been so thoroughly depleted. Heck, even points - elite scoring - that standard-bearer of success, has been and will be easier to find in the auction. 

Of the top 36 most valuable assists guys (3 per team), none of the top 12 and perhaps seven of them total are available. And that's talking some pretty one-dimensional guys: players like Greivis Vasquez and Steve Nash that don't do much of anything in the other two of the Big Three categories (Pts/Rebs/Asts).

Teams that are coming into UFA weak in assists might have to punt it altogether. Shake N Jake, for example, with the Super Kevins always seem to be in position to be a serious contender. But with iffy Jeremy Lin and the Durantula their only real sources of assists, will the team have such an Achilles' Heel they are doomed to be second-tier? After all, if you have no chance at assists, you almost have to win points and rebounds to even the playing field on the game. And with assists so rare in the auction, if SnJ do stretch for the dime, will they end starting such weak guards that Durant and Love's premium scoring output is effectively blunted?

Despite Chris Paul helming the squad, The Unnamed also look very weak at assists. Their keepers are almost entirely focused on size, though, so they can certainly bolster that number even with shooting guards and small forwards. Their bigs, like McGee, Lopez, and Ibaka, though, are particularly poor dime guys at the 4 and 5, and in total they basically bring Paul back to a good-not-great PG. Hoping a guy like KCP is going to contribute meaningfully his rookie year is quite a long-shot indeed. 

My assists rankings for the auction:

Legit guys 

1. Steve Nash - I still think he's worth it. I see an uptick from last year to a 13-3-8 kind of guy, with the great percentages. I'd go 8 million dollars for a one year deal.

2. Greivis Vasquez - If he wins the position and the Kings commit to him, I love him. But if the rotation continues to be a mess and Isiah Thomas, Marcus Thorton, and even Jimmer Fredette mulk General Greivis down to less than 28 minutes a games, ouch. 6 million bucks.

3. Ray Felton - I don't get the anti-love. Sure, the Carmelo Knicks offense is probably going to about the lowest assist per possession rate in the league, but a) Felton is unopposed at the point and b) the DO play up-tempo. You need a reliable six, maybe seven dimes without killing the rest of your cats? Felton's the guy to do it. I actually consider him the number one most reliable point in the auction. Wince but swallow the 7 million it could take to get him. Or maybe no wants him and you get him for value. 4 mil and you're golden.

4. Jammer Nelson - Yes, this is how thin PG is. He might be traded, but he IS going to play; the Magic can't showcase him if he's sitting and they would have bought him out if he was going to ride the pine. 13-3-6 and a lot of threes isn't bad at all. 5 million bucks.

5. Andre Iguodala - Not a PG - SG, though he's really a pure SF - this guy is better for your assists than the rest of the PGs available. Start him at Swingman along with two or three point guards, and you'll be fine. Given his steals, I'd go 8 million #want and throw him a two-year.

6. Kobe Bryant - Again, at this level you have to get creative. Sure, you're probably buying on Kobe for scoring, not assists, but if you're hurting at PG you might have to superpay star money to Kobe just to survive. He's going to play, and he's going to be okay. Too much pride. If you can eat the drain on him missing the first three weeks or so, you'll get 25-5-5 the rest of the way at Swingman. 12 million this year, or go 14 for two. He'll still be playing next year - the perfect guy to overpay on if you plan on being a 2014-15 contender.

7. George Hill - Don't laugh. He's barely a true point, but he plays the position reliably and will get his five assists. He's actually a neutral scorer, too, netting probably like 14 or 15 a game. You could do a lot worse for 5 million dollars.

8.  Jarrett Jack - He's a backup, but not exactly a regular backup. He's gonna get 28 minutes a game, and if Kyrie Irving gets hurt yet again, he'll actually be a Kyle Lowry type. 11-2-5 with upside. You may be able to snag him for a mil.


Sleepers

- Jamaal Tinsley - Who knows how long Trey Burke is going to be out, and while he can still condition, he'll be months behind actually playing. Tinsley might take this job for half the season and get you some cheap assists. If you can swallow hard at the under-10 scoring, you've got a legitimate starting PG for probably 600,000$.

- Patrick Beverly - If the Rockets decide mid-season that Jeremy Lin really just needs the ball in his hands to be worth his contract, and they're certainly not going to take it from Harden, Beverly could be the guy. 11-3-6? Sure, if he plays.

- Reggie Jackson - Westbrook might be gone longer than you think, and, even after that, unless you believe Jeremy Lamb really is a young Kevin Martin, he's still going to play.

Collect your pennies, kids, because you'll need all you can save if you're going to get DIMES in the auction. It's gonna be more like 13 pennies to a dime given the scarcity!

Pre-Auction Predictotron

- By Charles McTavern, Staff Writer

What teams are going in to the auction (UFA)  with what weapons? This is a question to answer. I am going to answer it now. 

The Predictotron is a thing that Jimmy made to predict how good teams are. 

Sometimes I tell my family to SHUT UP RIGHT NOW but then they say We're Not Even Speaking, Charles, and I get really mad.

In any case, this Predictotron is a real piece of work that Jimmy made. I think Jimmy's a shit, a lot, but let me tell about this thing anyway because it's my job. A job YOU don't have.

Basically it ranks each category giving it the score it deserves, like that points and rebounds and assists are worth double and like blocks and steals and FG% are worth single and three pointers and three point percentage are half. 

But it doesn't really care how many players you have on your team, because Jimmy isn't as smart as he thinks he is, so like GHill's Filas are really good because they have three star players. But they might get a tub of shit in Unrestricted Free Agency because they need so many players. 

So this is good for seeing how good teams are right now, but obviously they might just fuck it up pretty bad.

I'm gonna split the PRE-UFA TEAMS into four catergories:

Better Not Screw It Up!

Mercy Sundance
Shake N Jake
GHill's Filas

In a Good Spot

St Paul Skanks
Rock-afire Explosion
Studebakers

Needs a Smart Auction

Smoking Is Cool
Drunk fat and stupid!
Vlade Doddi

Play for 2014

Scoobydank
The Unnamed
XXX Convict

That's it, bye.