The whitest dorkiest show about the NBA since "The Georges: Mikan and Muresan"
GHill Filas (L) @ Mercy Sundance (W) 2.0 - 8.0
The Filas shot well, but the Sundance monstered the reigning champions opening week. GHill could only take both threes categories and field goal percentage, though did so overwhelmingly. Five Mercies scored over 20 point per game despite captain Derrick Rose's sluggish start. Luis Scola's 6-2-1 line - over three games! - was a debacle for the Filas.
The Unnamed (W) @ Shake N Jake (L) 6.0 - 4.0
Who needs a name when your star has two first ones? Chris Paul was scintillating powering the Unnamed to an upset victory over the SnJ. The Jake used Kevin Love's 30-15 bigness to win points and rebounds, but the passing was anemic with only 2.17 assists and no Shake averaging even four of them. JaVale McGee's 5-2-1 abortion could have done in the no-names, but at least he had one block.
Studebakers (L) @ Fat drunk and stupid! (W) 4.5 - 5.5
Fdas! let the world know expansion may not mean pushover in the Electric, edging perennial contender Studebakers by half a cat. This one was about as close as it gets without coming down to free throws, with assists within 0.18, threeper by 2.5%, less than a tenth of a three and less than 1% on shooting. Studebakers can still look down the road and smile, though: Russell Westbrook did play and may be in the lineup soon, and Michael Carter-Williams, with a 21-5-9-4s statline, is the week one frontrunner for Rookie of the Year.
Scoobydank (L) @ Vlade Doddi (W) 1.0 - 9.0
Scoobydank looked scoobydrunk as the other expansion team got clobbered out of the gate by Vlade Doddi. Despite being the more "competition-ready" expansion team, the Dank were hurt badly by should-be-ballers vets Deron Williams (8-3-8) and David West (10-5-3). Brandon Knight getting injured two minutes after the whistle blew didn't help, either. Ricky Rubio came ready to implement a new style of play for the Doddi with a 12-5-10-4s jacked line.
St. Paul Skanks (W) @ XXX Convict (L) 8.0 - 2.0
Skanks loved kissing sisters this week as they rode an easy victory over the Convicts, including an odd tie. It seems mathematically improbable at best, but the teams tied at assists 3.42 to 3.42. LaMarcus Aldridge's 26 points, Al Horford's 12 rebs, and Mike Conley's 2 steals overcame Tyreke Evan's muted 6-3-4-0s debut with the Pellies.
Rock-afire Explosion (W) @ Smoking Is Cool (L) 7.5 - 2.5
The Explosion overcame a disappointing showing by Larry Sanders in a close battle with Smoking. 3.5 cats would be considered extremely close, including a tie on blocks. Rock was led by big time performances from Jeff Teague, John Wall, and DeMarcus Cousins, where Cool's impressive rejoinder from Evan Turner, Jrue Holiday, and Carmelo Anthony just wasn't enough.
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